Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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