Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
