I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
