I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm too high and old for this...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
