i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
