A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
