??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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