I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
