Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
