why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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