someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
