I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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