Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
