This is not my ceiling
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
