Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
