My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
