apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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