Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
