If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You can't motorboat a personality
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
