a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
