upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
