how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
