Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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