my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
