I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
