Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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