Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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