Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
