I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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