So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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