I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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