Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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