Im at strip club and am horny
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
