he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
