What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
