:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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