I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
