I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
