I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
