Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
