Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
