he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
