i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
