I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
