I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
