I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
