And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
