you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
