piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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