I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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