just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
