Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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