if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
