I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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